PAIN............

Have you ever thought about how many different types of "pain" there is?  I know....a really exciting topic for a blog, but something I've been thinking about a lot lately....

Why you ask?  I've been in a lot of pain for a while....the last year has been a painful one....April 30, 2008, I had my wisdom teeth extracted...ironically that was simple and pretty pain free! Just five days later though.....a Tortilla chip caused my jaw to break (yeah....it seems that the extraction had weakened my jaw, consequently-my jaw broke)....talk about INSTANT pain...an unmistakable thing!

The story gets better....my surgeon tells me there is no way my jaw is broken....even though it's swollen, ungodly painful and I can't chew ANYTHING! Several daily visits to the surgeon and packing the socket (it was dismissed as a dry socket)....tons of pain and no pain medication to break it....they decided to do a second surgery to find out what was wrong....Gotta love anesthesia....the worst part of that process was the fact that they left a drain in my jaw as it had become infected....a few days later, the drain is removed, but I still have problems....the saga continues for over two months and a visit to Canada for work....then Bad "E" came out....I demanded a second opinion.....finally got it...and it was determined that the jaw was in fact BROKEN!  A resident figured it out in 10 minutes....By now, everything was a total mess and I was facing a third surgery!  WEEEEEE

Did I mention that in the middle of all of this, I went through a break up with someone that I liked quite a bit!  Wow...jaw  pain, heartache.would would be next!

Well..the new surgeon scheduled immediate surgery for two days later...This was going to result in my mouth being wired shut after he put the broken pieces back together....What followed was the worst pain in my life! I woke from the surgery thinking I couldn't speak as my mouth was wired shut (freaky to say the least)...but overall ok..that night, I truly wished I could just die..I was QUADRUPLING my pain medication and receiving zero relief...I was sick, had horrible pain and my mouth was wired shut!  Wow..I was living good now!  I survived the night.....and found out that my jawbone had actually become quite infected due to the lack of proper care...so now I was on HUGE antibiotics which had the potential to kill all the 'good germs' and cause other problems which could be fatal...this resulted in weekly blood draws and surgeon visits to monitor my condition....and these visits were 45 miles from home! Weeeee!

Well....that went on for 9 weeks....as the bone wasn't healing...I had nerve damage and was to go to Austin Tx for conference with my mouth wired shut.....talk about painful.....Did I mention (or maybe you figured it out) that I could only eat LIQUIDS (or anything I could siphon through my teeth)!  I made it....lost 34 pounds...and got really creative with the food processor!  You can grind up some pretty creative things when you have to!

So now, I was very depressed, had endured lots of questions about my jaw, was lonely and felt really angry....talk about pain.....just different types!  Ya know....it's amazing how many people will reject you because your mouth is wired shut....try going on a date where you can only drink dinner! I was now faced with a definite fourth surgery and probably fifth!  I had hit bottom and really unhappy...I went to see a malpractice lawyer but he wouldn't take the case as he said that where I lived, it would be hard to get a jury to rule for me!  Now I had spent $3,000 on a process that should have cost me $200!

Well.....we (my new surgeon 'friend' and I) ended up leaving the wires in place longer than anticipated to let things continue to heal (weren't sure if they bone was going to heal or if another procedure to put in plates and screws would be needed!) Finally, the day I had been looking for...ALL of the wires were going to finally come off....I was a bit freaked as the surgeon decided that he wouldn't put me out to get them removed (which is the normal process) as I had been through so much that he thought I'd be ok with a local....so....14 shots  into my gums later....the wires were off in about 10 minutes!

I continued weekly, monthly, and 6 week visits to the surgeon to monitor my condition, but it was very slow to heal....in the meantime, I continued in a downward psychological spiral as I was just a mess in so many ways! I'd met a couple of people that I was interested in, but for one reason or another, it didn't work out....Finally, 2 weeks short of my 1 year anniversary, the Surgeon released me!  The bone had healed and another surgery wasn't going to be necessary!

Tired of reading yet?

As I was getting through with the physical pain of the jaw adventure, I experienced another type of pain....I found that the relationship that I was in was a total lie.....the person was a total fraud!  Wow....talk about sending me for a loop...how would I trust again....how would I be able know if someone was being honest with me (oh yeah....I also learned that the person I was seeing that demanded monogamy-had cheated-repeatedly)..Well as I was licking my wounds from that, I happened to build a friendship with with another great person.....we determined that there was some mutual interest and that we'd see what happened....well...as that heated up, I learned that a move was coming up and my special someone would be moving for 6 months...or permanently.....*sigh*

We've talked a lot since then...and I hate the thought of 'not knowing'....so, we're gonna see what happens....'worst case' we'll be really good friends...and best case...who knows!  Again, some heart ache pain, and the potential for something good....time will tell....

So...pain comes in many forms, heartache, throbbing, headsplitting, and pains that make you wish you could just die!  In the end, you must continue to push through it all as there is usually something good on the backside.  My other lesson in this....even as bad as I thought I had it, there are always people who have it worse!  I have a good job, a paycheck in my bank every two weeks, some great friends, a great family and a roof over my head and food in my stomach.....so, when pain seems overwhelming, put it all in perspective..it helps!